July 19: Sunday Spree

So I overslept at Gay's place and in the morning we prepared a good meal for the kids and all. I'm happy being with them. I felt loved and cared for. I feel the essence of being valued like the old friends we were with Gay a decade ago. I'm grateful that Lovely is a good girlfriend and she takes great care of Gay and her heart, something I failed to do. Maybe one day I'll give Lovely a gift so she knows that I appreciate her and that she shouldn't ever be threatened with me.

I called you twice but on both instances, I did not get any answer so I decided to just text you. I hate it whenever I don't get any replies from you but what can I do? I'll keep texting anyway.

I don't use to top up on my number but for the sake of being able to call you, I always do that. Do you realize that I am so kuripot and I seldom have my phone loaded? I don't feel the need of calling and texting except when I wanted to reach out to you. But you seemed oblivious of that of course, you seemed insensitive and you don't seem to care. Please at least show me that I'm wrong.

Well, I arrived in the afternoon and you finally answered my call. Then left me hanging again. I would have wanted to sleep but because of that, I can't sleep again. I don't know what you made of me and why I'm so into you recently. What's going on with my heart??? Dili man dyud ko ingani ba...galagot ko pero I am so weak...you're making me weak...I am unproductive and I hate all this. I HATE THIS FEELING! Akong gusto unta good vibes lang, inspired ko and in love ko...unsay tawag anang mag siige ko ug hilak? Worst, wala man ka kabalo pud...I hate what's going on because what I feel is so disconnected from what I can think of. I wanted to charge you with the worst crime in our relationship but heck what? What exactly was that? All I have are feelings. Mere feelings.

You called me in the middle of my super oozing dramas and I have to turn off the light so you can't see my red nose. You stayed there on the screen. I started feeling good but you weren't in any mood to pay attention so I shut all the craziness away. It wasn't enough that I see you like that. At least talk to me, but you were busy and I get it. I'll let you be. We ended the night so dry. You doze off.