July 20: Early teardrops

I don't know why I easily get hurt or affected by you recently. I feel like all your actions is an attack. Let me feed my furbabies first. Brb.

I'm done with my meal and my furbabies are fed too. I had good news from back home. We needed to raise 8K so we can get that allotted 800sqm lot for us at Don Carlos. I am left to look for 3K and I'm thinking if I would borrow from you or not. I don't want to borrow but I am tempted to. Haist. Can I?

Despite all the dramas I know you are kindhearted hehe and I think lakas paman gihapon ko semu siguro? :D Bisan palaaway ko ug luudan ko...mangluod raman ko kay grabe ka KSP ba. Seriously though, urgent mani gud...I'm still thinking hard...whew!

The reason for my early morning cry? Hugh! I almost forgot why but here now I recalled. I said I love you but I did not get a response. No response real-time :D

That's why. I'm overacting and I know it. Mao ditaw wala naku gapangaway na. Maghilom na ko. DRY! SOOOOOOO DRY!

Update:

Ingon ka magdula sa ka...which sounded an excuse para dli ka available sa chat...and not available elsewhere...but I checked on your profile...gabie pa ang last nimu nga dula...

...dear heart...mag away napud mo sa imung utok unya taod2x...

Update...

Nakatulog ka...ingon ka sa chat nakatulog ka...haist...I love you baby boss! I miss you so much already...ayaw naku pahilaka please...

Here we go again...niingon napud ka magdula ka pero nawala ka ug kalit...nakatulog napud ka? Hay ambot praning lang dyud ata ko...here's what I'm gonna do. I'll stop thinking and I'll stop feeling. I'll accept what was and what is then wait. For the rest of the things unsaid and undone, I will avoid thinking anything. Therefore, mag enroll ko ug courses nga mahago akong utok and mag indulge ko ug communication with other people/community perhaps that will cheer my heart in case I'll miss you and not have you around. I can't let myself get this lost any longer. Suffocating.

Anyway, nananghid ka sa ML nga mag lunch sa mo..nauna ang pannaghid ug lunch ayha ang dula...cge ra..things can get even more inconsistent. Kanus-a kaha ko maparok ba???

Update...

It's 1:32 PM and you haven't been back since the last chat you did at 11:37 AM. No more thinking and feeling, pure update.

Update...

It's around 4:00 PM - 6:00 PM when the PLDT technicians were still around installing the Fiber line to the house. We did have our phone call - talking about basically nothing then it was cut short because you were called by a colleague (Gayle) to go out for your game. When I say basically nothing, it's that talk of the day that does not really concern how we feel and how we love each other. It's a kind of talk that does not give me emotional "mana" if I could put ML terminology to it. It's not based on feelings I'd say because if you'd think about it, couples need to talk healthy about their relationships too, affirmations and validations - all those kinds of stuff which we do not have. I tried to lead the convo but it was all too dry and you seemed tired. I hope I wasn't being judgemental by saying that (although I hope you were just tired).

Update...

It's 10:48 PM and I'm done with my bath. I heard a phone ringing for a video chat. I looked at my phone to be sure but it wasn't mine. I miss the noise on my phone ringing for your call. By saying "I miss" I think it's a pure feeling this time so let's air it up with a fair logic - give people some space and time...would you have wanted me to call you too? But you were the busy one...it's okay, I'll forget that I missed your frequent call, let me just put an update that I did not hear from you after our last phone call so I don't know if you had your dinner already and what time you arrived. I cared to know all that details and I'm hoping you'd keep me posted. Do I need to ask you that or would you be annoyed? Tell me.

Update...

So after I got off from shower I sent you a message just to initiate a conversation because heck if you really don't know it, I missed you every time. I started crying already you know...coz I saw you were online and even logged on to ML...yet you don't bother checking on me. I felt non-existent and it hurts.

Anyway, we did had a chat... all were about your senior and how much you hated her.