July 21: 27th Monthsary

It's more than two years and I've had a lot of roller coaster with you thus far. I've thought of ending this relationship already because I don't see common growth and common goals between us. I tried to open up something but you did not pay attention. I was too shy to repeat myself. Last night while we were casually chatting, I greeted you, for the first time I was the first one to greet, I am not accustomed to greeting my partners on anniversaries/monthsaries, first. It tickles my fancy to be greeted first and I love the feeling every time that's why I always wait. But this time, today, I did greet you first. It was a lengthy disclosure of all the heavy baggage I had in my heart and you listened, you responded, I was happy.

Early this morning around 7:00 AM you called me on VC and smiled :)

I think that was just out of compliance. Regardless, it's a good new start. Although I feel like you are exerting an effort to start all over, I feel like you are still not feeling well. I can feel you. I wish how I feel is entirely wrong, I'd be happy to be wrong. Somehow I mirror how you are feeling that's why it's hard for me to stick around with what I wanted to believe without some words of affirmation or acts of validation. I am not sure if you are able to sense that but I hope you do.

I will wait three days and see if you will ever call me with our endearment again, if not, then I will burry that word as well. That would be a call for a lie low and that's fine. Maldita bitaw ko pero kabalo man pud ka nga buutan ko diba...mahimu radyud kong maldita kung makulang sa pansin...mao nga unta imung atimanon ning imung gipaanad. Kung gikapoy naka, sulti lang...andam rapud ko muhilak and hopefully mag move on in time...Thing is, I still wanted to see how far we can grow and how much growth we can empower with one another. BRB.

I'm done dinner and so are my furbabies too. We were on call when I left you on the phone coz I have to go out and, hhm, we were not talking anyway...when I got back, the call already ended in 43 minutes. I guess you ended it and it's fine, I texted you for courtesy. At least right now my heart is not heavy while typing this. I am back to pure update, no more thinking and no more feeling but I'm sorry for the many prejudice in between...

Nothing fancy really. It's 10:00 PM and the night will end with nothing fancy.